he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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