so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
