Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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