Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
