We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
