she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
