And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
