I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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