My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
