Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
