Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
