Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize