Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you had me at cake vodka
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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