I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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