I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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