I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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