Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
