Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FUCK WHALES
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
