where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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