i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
