I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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