I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
