It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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