so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
