Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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