May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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