My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize