Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
