Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize