eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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