I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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