you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
