at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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