Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
