Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
