the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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