When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
