Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
did i walk over a car last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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