Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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