White coat. Heels.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
