Buhtt sex?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
