Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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