we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
