when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
