Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize