remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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