It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
