sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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