What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
