Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
