boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
