You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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