o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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