you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
