Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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