does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm passing your future prison.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
