I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
