I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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