He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize