remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
