I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize