I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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