I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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