No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
