3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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