I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
