Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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