her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
