Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
