and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
