i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
