i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
