Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
