Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize