Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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