first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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