i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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