I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
