i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
