don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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