Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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