If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
