would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Randomize
