There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
