We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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