I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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