Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
