Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
