This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
