I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
