Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
