Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
