found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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