We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
