If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
