Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
