I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
