Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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