Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
