What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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