O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
