remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize