good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
