He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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