My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
