so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
